The reason, of course, is that the NFL has decided to pursue with nose tackle-like force anyone who utters or writes the words “S**** B***®” without paying a licensing fee.

In the past, rabid NFL lawyers (or more specifically, four law firms it has unleashed) have gone after anyone – even churches who announced plans for an afternoon of fellowship while watching the S**** B*** game. In 2007, the NFL went so far as trying to usurp the words “big game” in a trademark claim – but fortunately that heavy-handed legal maneuver failed. (One other warning, from the over-lawyered league: if you are watching the S**** B*** on a screen that is larger than 55”, you may be in violation of the copyright claimed by the NFL.)

One irony is that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is married to a television news broadcaster. I wonder – when they’re conversing over dinner, whether he refers to it as the big game, the NFL championship, or the S**** B***?

The Transportation Security Administration announced unspecified extra security measures that were immediately implemented upon Abdul’s capture. While the TSA won’t confirm what those measures are, passengers on other flights have reported that they were unable to get up or move about plane during the final hour of their trip, and that blanket usage was prohibited during the same time – presumably to prevent anyone else from secretly igniting their underpants.

Amsterdam's Schipol Airport, gateway to Europe.

I have been on that same Northwest/Delta’s flight from Amsterdam to Detroit several times, and I can tell you that this guy had to get through multiple layers of security. Before anyone can board a flight at Amsterdam’s Schpol airport, one has to pass through standard passport control, where passports are scrutinized by Dutch security. There are always a number of disappointed travelers sitting outside the security office, because their passports were refused until they undergo additional scrutiny behind closed doors. Abdul’s name must not have appeared on Holland’s suspicious passport list.

After they clear passport control, passengers go through metal detectors and have their bags screened before proceeding to their gate. But for those flying to the United States, there is another security screening that takes place at the Northwest/Delta gate. This time, each passenger gets a personal interview by Dutch security personnel presumably employed by the American TSA. Passengers are asked the standard questions… “Where have you been, what have you been doing, who packed your luggage,” etc. Then there is another set of metal detectors for bodies and bags before anyone gets on the plane. Unlike the Dutch screening, this time passengers are forced to remove their shoes – a tip of a hat to shoe bomber Richard Reid.

Somehow Abdul got on the plane. He apparently had the right answers to the questions, and his crotch failed to trip any of the sensors. And the TSA responded with some new regulations that would have done nothing – NOTHING – to prevent Abdul’s diabolical scheme. If a terrorist gets explosives on a plane, he will still be able to use them – as long as he is courageous enough to disobey the seat belt sign.

The TSA announced the irritating, meaningless measures because it feels it has to do something - even when it is powerless to do anything meaningful. There will now be calls for those full-body scanners, the same ones that were criticized by civil rights and women’s groups because they allow screeners to see beneath clothing. A better idea would be to do what other countries do: profile. Take everyone whose passport isn’t attached to a documented, long-time history of law abiding behavior, and run them through additional screening including highly-invasive pat-downs. After all, 80 grams of explosive hidden in underpants is pretty hard to detect.

As I see it, we have three choices: full-body scanning that violates people’s privacy, profiling that violates people’s rights, or new TSA regulations that irritate everyone without providing one bit of actual protection.

Given our society’s adherence to political correctness, I’m betting on the latter.

UPDATE, 1/5/2010: Here is a sure-fire way to make the TSA more effective: Give any TSA employee who finds explosives on a passenger a 50 thousand dollar cash bonus. Really. That includes the Dutch contractors, too. There is no better incentive for a thorough job of screening than by offering big cash for a terrorist collar.

After writing a previous blog about the high cost of flying out of Sioux Falls, I asked the Department of Transportation for some data about Sioux Falls airfares. As of the second quarter of 2009 (the most recent data available), the average price of an airline ticket, excluding taxes and fees, was $397.91. Compare that to a single-ticket average of $354.83 in Des Moines, and $290.27 in Omaha. I created a chart from the long-term data, and it appears those booking flights out of Sioux Falls have paid premium prices for years.

Without Allegiant Air service in Sioux Falls, the price gap between Sioux Falls and other cities would probably be even greater. According to the Research and Innovative Technology Bureau of Transportation, the bargain carrier Allegiant now accounts for 21.43% of the passenger traffic in Sioux Falls, second only to Northwest (which used to dominate the airport) at 22.48%. Skywest (feeder for United) is third at 20.20%, followed by United at 11.40%, and Pinnacle (feeder for Northwest) at 7.58%. The numbers were compiled between September, 2008 and August, 2009. With a relatively even spread of passengers across several carriers, one would think that Sioux Falls would have a competitive price structure – but that does not appear to be the case.

I should perhaps mention that the entire Sioux Empire has fallen victim to full retail-priced ticketing. Airfare Watchdog says this about the airport in Sioux City, IA: “Sure there are fares from Sioux Gateway Airport…but they’re way too high to meet our Dealhound standards.”

Architect's rendering of renovations at Sioux Falls airport. (And a depiction of how many residents will use Sioux Falls airport if things do not change.)

To pay for the project, the airport authority intends to impose a $4.50 facility fee on airline tickets. That is certainly not a huge amount compared to the fees charged by other airports I have visited, especially when many (unlike Sioux Falls) have degraded to the condition of bus terminals. But as things are right now, I may never have to pay that fee – because prices set by the major airlines serving Sioux Falls have forced me to take my business to other airports.

Previously, I have written about the dramatic cost savings by driving to catch a flight in Omaha, because competition (mainly from Southwest) keeps air fares there very low.

Now, as I find myself needing to take a trip to Atlanta in January, I have realized that driving to ANY airport in the Midwest will result in better fares than those charged in Sioux Falls.

Here are the actual, lowest fares posted on the airlines’ own websites for a round trip flight to Atlanta on Saturday, January 16, returning Wednesday, January 20. Flying on Saturday and Wednesday gives the airlines every benefit, because those are two of the cheapest days of the week on which to fly. Examining the numbers, I was not surprised that it is significantly more expensive to fly out of Sioux Falls (FSD) than Omaha or Minneapolis. But I was amazed to find that it is much cheaper to fly to Atlanta on those dates by driving to airports in Sioux City, Fargo, or even Rapid City!

—Cheapest round trip fares (taxes and fees included) to Atlanta from six Midwest cities on Jan 16, 2010, returning Jan 20, 2010. Fares posted as of 10 AM on November 4, 2009:

                        Delta                            United             

FSD                566.91                         568.00

OMA               358.59                         346.90            

MSP                224.20                         245.40

SUX                459.80                         -

FAR                 360.40                         480.00

RAP                 320.40                         367.00

Out of curiosity, I checked the price by flying the route backwards, from Atlanta to Sioux Falls on those same dates. Delta charges $20 dollars less for that route. It seems like the only way to get affordable air fares out of Sioux Falls is by visiting one of the destinations Allegiant serves.

I am not a penny-pincher trying to squeeze a nickel. I am not opposed to paying extra money to use Sioux Falls airport. But when the additional cost to “fly local” is in the hundreds of dollars, I object and vote by packing my baggage in my car – and taking my travel business elsewhere.

Wood pigeon in the wild (left), and on a plate in a fancy French restaurant (palombe en croûte, right).